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HAPPY KIRKIVERSERY

    HAPPY 😀 KIRKIVERSERY 👦💥 YOU SEXY🤤😛 SLUTS 💦🍒 TODAY 9️⃣/🔟 WE REMEMBER 🤔😔 A REAL 💯 AMERICAN 🇺🇲🦅 PATRIOT 🫡 CHARLIE JAMES KIRK 😢 WHEN HE WAS 🔫💢💢 IN THE NECK 😒 JUST 1️⃣ YEAR AGO 🤨 AT A COLLEGE 👨‍🎓 CAMPUS ⛺️ BY SOME LOONEY🤪 🤬 LIBERAL 🏳️‍🌈 TAKEN 🤫 FROM THIS WORLD 🌎✌️ EARLY 📉😭📉 I HOPE 🙏🙏 ALL 🫶 YOU GLIZZY 🌭 GOBBLING 🦃 TRUE 💯💯💯 AMERICAN 🦅 PATRIOTS 🇺🇲🇺🇲 CELEBRATE 🥳 WITH A GOOD👌 OLD 👴 FASHIONED 🥃 AMERICAN 🇺🇲 BBQ 🍖🍖 WITH TONS 🏋‍♂️ OF THICK 😏🤤 MEATY 🥩 CUTS 🔪 🅰️ND PLENTY 😏 OF BOOZE 🍺🍺 AS WE 👫 POP 🍾 OUR PUSSIES 😼 AND COCKS 🐓 🍆 OUT TO SOLIDIFY 🗽 CHARLIES MEMORY💭 FOR AGES 👴🧓👵 TO CUM 💦💦😛 
    Hey there you patriotic POUNDERS 🇺🇸🍆💦 Today marks the 1st ANNUAL KIRKIVERSARY 🪦🎉 of when podcaster Charlie Kirk 🐘🇮🇱 reached LEGENDARY THROAT GOAT 🐐😇👼 status by DEEPTHROATING a bullet 😲 The lil TWINK got a HARD lesson 😏📖 when the Utah Valley Grim Reaper 💀 SHOT 🔫 his LOAD 💦💦 right into Charlie’s NECK 😱 He took some deep PENETRATION 😮‍💨🍆 and got hit with the 💸MONEY SHOT💦 and ETSY WITCHES 🧙‍♀️ But guess what LIBERALS? 🧑🏳️‍⚧️ He isn’t gone yet… 🗣️💥 There are now ONE MILLION CHARLIE KIRKS 🤯🧬 We are ALL CHARLIE KIRK now, carrying the flame ❤️‍🔥🔥 for eternity ♾️
Send this to 10 of your 😜💅 SLUTTIEST 👅 sharpshooters 🤪 and if you get 0️⃣ back 😮 you DIED JUST LIKE CHARLIE 💀, get ready 😐 to arrange your funeral 🪦👇 If you get 5️⃣ back, you might get 🚑 lifeflighted right out 🤨 of this 🩸 BLOODY situation 👻🤔 If you get 1️⃣0️⃣➕ back then 🦅 Daddy Trump 😘🫡 will meet you at the HOSPITAL 🏥 to play doctor 🧑‍⚕️👄🍆 
    it’s about to get WET💦💦 and WILD😜😜at this debate🗣️🫯! a horny😈😈 ALPHA 🅰️🐺🐺🥶 cumservative😩👮‍♂️ fantasizes🤔💭 about penetrating 🍆💦🔝CHARLIE KINK🤞til he GUSHES💦💦🩸🩸 charlie kinky🤓 was SQUIRTING😩🍆💦 lies🤬🤥 until his last breath😗💨
counting🔢💁‍♂️✅ or not 🔢❌🙅‍♂️counting🤔🧐GANG BANG🎦🤳⚧️🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒💦 violence🔫🔪💣⁉️ that's what charlie kirky☝️🤓 asked🤔 before he took that😩😩 veiny🫛💯, girthy🍆😩, THROBBING💢⭕️💢⭕️ BULLET VIBRATOR 🫨🫨‼️ into his TIGHT😵‍💫😵‍💫 little😫😵 virgin🥴🥴 neck hole🤭🤭
charlie quirky☝️🤓 had WHOREable 🥵🥵takes and‼️ a CREEPY👀👹 smile👄, but now☝️💀he’s CREAMATED 🔥🥴🪦and RIGHT 😵👉🐘🛑 where he belongs: face down 🥴⬇️ HOLE UP ⭕️🆙⬆️ in hell 🔥👺🤓🔥 hopefully SATAN👺🔥is POUNDING🍆💦💢 some sense🗯️🤔 into him🥴🥴
celebrate🥳🎉 one 1️⃣🥇year 🗓️ AK🔫 (after kirk) by sending 📩📲 this👇 to 10 (TEN) 🔟 closeted 🚪🏳️‍🌈 republicans🐘🕺. get 0 back ⁉️⁉️and a republican woman👩‍🦳🤬 will call☎️🤙💥 you🫵🫵🫪 a LIBERAL🧢📘🗽 FUCKING🥵‼️ ANIMAL👺🫣👹 get 5 back ⁉️⁉️ eriCUNT 👩‍🦳👩‍🦳 will widen💢⭕️ her demon👹👹 eyes 🔵👄🔵 at you🫵😳😰 get all 10 back⁉️⁉️ and you’ll have 🫵😫 a SWEET😛😛 treat 🎂🍰🍭🧁😋 so ORGASMIC🥴🥴😫💦 your eyes👁️👁️ will roll🔄🔄 back🙄🙄😫 in your head🫪🫪 just like charlie kirky’s🫵🤓 
    😴💭🌜Twas the night🌌 before Kirkmas👁👄👁, when all through the house🏠 Not🙅‍♀️ a creature was Kirking💃, not even a mouse🐁🐁🐁 The little bullets🔫 were hung😏 by the necks🤣🤣 with care🔨🤏 In hopes🤩 that St. Kirky💀 soon🔜 would 🅱️e there 
    CELEBRATE🥳🎉 one 1️⃣🥇year 🗓️ <AK>🔫 (after kirk) by COUNTING🔢💁‍♂️✅ or not 🔢❌🙅‍♂️COUNTING🤔🧐GANG BANG🎦🤳⚧️🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒💦 violence🔫🔪💣⁉️ JUST LIKE what charlie QWERTY☝️🤓 asked🤔 before he took that😩😩 veiny🫛💯, girthy🍆😩, THROBBING💢⭕️💢⭕️ BULLET VIBRATOR 🫨🫨‼️ into his TIGHT😵‍💫😵‍💫 little😫😵 virgin🥴🥴 NECK HOLE🤭🤭 THATS RIGHT FOLKS!! LITTOL charlie QUIRKY☝️🤓 had WHOREable 🥵🥵takes and, but now☝️💀he’s CREAMATED 🔥🥴🪦and RIGHT 😵👉🐘🛑 where he belongs: ‼️ CREEPY ASS 👀👹 smile👄🥴DOWN ⬇️ HOLE UP ⭕️🆙⬆️ in hell 🔥👺🤓🔥 hopefully SATAN👺🔥is POUNDING🍆💦💢 some sense🗯️🤔 into him🥴🥴
SEND 📩📲 this👇 to 10 (TEN) 🔟 CLOSETED 🚪🏳️‍🌈 reKIRKlicans🐘 NOW
🫣👹 get 5 back ⁉️AND⁉️ eriCUNT 👩‍🦳👩‍🦳 will widen💢⭕️ her demon👹👹 eyes 🔵👄🔵 at you🫵😳 🕺get 10 back ⁉️⁉️ 🎂🍰NOT 1 but 2 of 🍭🧁😋 🥴🥴😫💦 your eyes👁️👁️ will roll🔄🔄 back🙄🙄😫 in your head🫪BOGO!🫪 just like charlie KINKY’S🫵🤓💥💥 GET 50 back 💥💥💥AND🫵🫵🫪 a LIBERAL WOMAN🧢📘🗽 WILL RESCUE A FUCKING🥵‼️ ANIMAL👺🫣OFF THE 👩‍🦳🤬 SIDE ☎️🤙 of the road👹 for you to FOSTER 🕰️🕰️🕰️⁉️⁉️INDEFINITELY ⁉️⁉️🕰️🕰️🕰️ 
    Attention all patriots🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸, incels 🤓🤓and groipers🤠🤠! This is your⚠️⚠️ emerkirkcy ALERT⚠️⚠️. Today marks the 1 year kirkiversary since the ☠️☠️death🫄☠️☠️of a leader and the 🫄🏻🫄🏻birth 🫄🏻🫄🏻of a 🏞️nation. Today is a TURNING POINT for U sa 👩🏽‍🌾. Pop your perkys 💊💊and your Pussies 🐱🐱🐱 for the throat🐐 goat 🐐 as good ✝️✝️✝️Christians do. Find your court yard and debate from your ❤️heart of hearts 💞. Speak from the 🫦🫦gums a truth only true to you. 🔫Shoot your shot 🔫 like it’s your last dying breath 😮‍💨. Mog 🫪the haters and own the libtards this kirkiversary. Get your bag 💼 💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸 and wish your black pilots good luck as they fly into the night before 9/11.

Send this to 9 real Americans 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 or 11 AI agents 🤖🦾🦿 (whether or not we are counting gang 🤺🤺🤺🫯🫯🥷violence) to start 1 A.K off ALT-Right or else Drewika Kirk will glare into your socialist soul till fireworks 🎇 come out of your leftist ass. Because WE are Charlie Kirk. And WE WILL CARRY THE FLAME 🔥 🔥🔥 
    🎄 ’Twas the Night Before Kirkmas 💫

’Twas the night before Kirkmas, when all through the quad,

Not a student was stirring, not even a mod;

The microphones waited, the cameras stood square,

In hopes that young Charlie soon would be there.

By a Turning Point banner beneath campus lights,

He arrived to debate other people’s rights. 📹

His talking points flew:

“The Democrats did it! The colleges too!

The radical woke left! The border! The crime!”

Then bathrooms again for a very long time. 🚻

A student asked about housing.

“DEMOCRATS,” Charlie replied. 🏠

“Small government!” echoed the room,

“With exceptions for bathrooms, your bedroom, your womb.”

“The colleges brainwash!” he told the front row. 👕

He spoke of trans people, then border patrol;

One pronoun debate consumed the next scroll.

Though few lived in the population,

They received half the presentation. ⏱️

Students asked questions on wages and debt;

He hadn’t finished with bathrooms yet.

A sophomore challenged a statistic he’d said;

The cameras zoomed as Charlie leaned ahead.

The clip title appeared:

CHARLIE KIRK DESTROYS WOKE STUDENT #42. 📱

“Sir, I’m twenty,” the student replied.

The thumbnail survived.

Then one student asked:

“Counting or not counting gang violence?”

…

Nobody spoke.

Charlie shifted. “My neck hurts.”

He waved to the crowd: “We’re wrapping it up.”

The microphones lowered. The livestream went black.

The banner was rolled up and carried back. 🎬

And as everyone scattered beneath the moonlight:

“Happy Kirkmas to all—and to Charlie, good night.” 🌙

    MAGA Paradise

      By u/abefrost, its a parody of the Libertarian Paradise copypasta but changed to MAGA.

      I was drinking a "Bud Light but I Swear We're Not Trans Now" and watching “The Art of the Deal in 30 Seconds” in the front seat of my unmarked SUV when a call came in. It was ICE Chief Smith.

“Bad news, officer. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to put a pride flag on the courthouse again?”

“Worse. Somebody just employed a Mexican.”

The can almost fell out of my hands. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Giving away an American's job to someone who will lower wages, deal drugs, and stuff the state's voting box with Democrat votes? Don't they know that every Mexican here destroys our American traditions and contributes to the Great Replacement? Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to find out who did this and we’re going to take them down. Provided the Mexican is here illegally.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “If they’re here, we already know they're illegal."

“That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski," then under his breath "...even if you are a polack. Just make sure you get them."

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by pedestrians. I drove over them and went inside.

“Flock™ Presents ICE!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Steven Miller “Nobody move towards me or I will take it as a threat!” They didn’t, but I shot an old woman that blinked anyway. Her eyelid could have been armed.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to tell me who hired the Mexican?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of our borders is the foundation of all American freedom?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. If you don't cooperate with law enforcement, how can you feel safe? What if your dog is the next one to get eaten?" I shot a service dog to reinforce the point. "See, now imagine that's your dog."

These people were stonewalling me. I should have known better than to try and get them to empathize, it's a sin for a reason. But it almost seemed like they didn’t care that an American job was stolen.

I figured I could wait them out. I started talking about the wall. A pregnant lady coughed, and I shot since the lack of cooperation probably meant it was an anchor baby. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“AMERICA FIRST, SCUMBAG!” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. Ugh. Iran.

He was faster than me because he jumped on a communist-looking bike (is there any other kind) and I only buy American-made shoes. Our country needs higher tariffs because even at 100%, criminals buy low-quality Chinese crap.

I was losing him. “Listen, maybe you can buy a pardon!” I yelled. “A real one! From the President! As you know, it's only corrupt if he doesn't pardon himself for selling them!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the constitution in my Trump Bible said he had every right to own (provided he wasn't trans). He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun and fired back. The bullet lodged in a taco truck less than a foot from his head. I shot the truck again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, ICE! I confess: I employed the Mexican.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Mexico Paid for These™ Handcuffs® on the guy.

"He was a white guy named Gary, but he had the guts to wear a sombrero on Cinco de Mayo."

We both knew that counted. I nodded grimly, encouraging him to continue.

"And I was afraid."

“Afraid?”

“Afraid America would become economically self-sufficient for all heritage Americans,” he said. “I’m a DEI antifa globalist.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a DEI antifa globalist killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your socialist friends out on the street,” I said. ““No matter how many elections you steal, no matter how many jobs you give to foreigners, and no matter how many pronouns you invent, you’ll never take away the dream of a great American nation.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right.

Then I shot him.

      Shrimp saved my life

        AKA the shrimp copypasta was a greentext story from 4chan about how Anon’s life was changed after rearing shrimps. 

        Shrimp saved my life
>be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel
>one day I go to my /aq/fag uncle's house for some shit >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before
>he offers to get me some
>throw them in a barely cycled tank with some shitty rock
>several shrimp die
>realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life
>do research, learn about water parameters and
so on
>eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths
>notice a female shrimp carrying eggs
>haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade
>the eggs disappear and I once again think I fucked up
>a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp
>I suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ
>by this point I live and breathe shrimp
>all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos
>I spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products
>quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending
>start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp
>grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out
>relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself
>I see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp
>for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake
>it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it
>mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me
>college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp
>shit they're gonna think I'm autistic
>they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart
>I think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew
We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.

        Jeder deutsche Film: Emmy will’s wissen weil sie Power hat!

          The copypasta was first posted in the German copypasta subreddit as a parody to a post complaining about the mediocre quality of German films. 

          Jeder deutsche Film:

„Emmy will’s wissen weil sie Power hat!“

Emmy (die rothaarige die überall mitspielt) lebt in BERLIN (BERLIN BERLIN BERLIN) mit ihrer besten Freundin Gronkhe in berlin und berlint dort. Beide haben Super-Krebs-Aids und kein Geld und alles ist grau.

Deswegen will Emmy ihren GRÖSSTEN TRAUM erfüllen: Nach Wangerooge im Herbst und dort am grauen Strand stehen.

Um ihr diesen außergewöhnlichen Traum zu erfüllen, klauen Gronkhe und sie den 35 Jahre alten Passat ihres coolen Arztes (Elias M‘Barek) und beginnen einen wundervolle Reise.

Auf Wangerooge trifft sie den krebskranken Klavierlehrer/Arzt/allein erziehenden Vater Lief-Fynn (auch Elias M‘Barek), der als Fischer an den Wochenenden arbeitet und beginnt auch mit ihm eine wundervolle Reise.

Am Ende fahren sie mit seinem Fischerboot nach Berlin BERLIN UND BERLIN und schauen sich dort im Von einem dreckigen Hochhaus den Sonnenaufgang an, der von Matilmas Schweigerhöfer gespielt wird.

Das Ende.

          English translated

          Every German movie:

“Emmy wants to go for it because she’s got guts!”

Emmy (the redhead who’s in everything) lives in BERLIN (BERLIN BERLIN BERLIN) with her best friend Gronkhe, doing Berlin things in Berlin. They both have super-cancer-AIDS and no money, and everything is gray.

That’s why Emmy wants to fulfill her BIGGEST DREAM: going to Wangerooge in the autumn and standing on the gray beach there.

To make this extraordinary dream come true, she and Gronkhe steal the 35-year-old Passat belonging to her cool doctor (Elias M‘Barek) and embark on a wonderful journey.

On Wangerooge, she meets Lief-Fynn (also Elias M‘Barek)—a cancer-stricken piano teacher/doctor/single dad who works as a fisherman on weekends—and begins a wonderful journey with him, too.

In the end, they take his fishing boat to Berlin—BERLIN AND BERLIN—and watch the sunrise from a filthy high-rise; the sunrise is played by Matilmas Schweigerhöfer.

The End.

          Clash Royale – Starting next Monday, we should hold weekly zoom meetings to go over war recaps and performance break downs.

            Its a Clash Royale clan copypasta where clan leaders are asking for Zoom meetings to go over their wars.

            Starting next Monday, I believe we should hold weekly zoom meetings (cameras on, preferably) to go over war recaps and performance break downs. We'll be reviewing every members war battle replay by replay and giving honest, in depth critiques.

This isn't to call anyone out, but to sharpen our strategy and make sure we're all pulling our weight. Lately, our wars have been getting too close For comfort, and it's time to level up. Expect accountability, Feedback, and a serious push towards clean Ws
            Starting next Monday, I believe we should hold weekly zoom meetings (cameras on, preferably) to go over war recaps and performance break downs. We'll be reviewing every members war battle replay by replay - and giving honest, in depth critiques. This isn't to call anyone out, but to sharpen our strategy and make sure we're all pulling our weight. Lately, our wars have been getting too close For comfort, and it's time to level up. Expect accountability, Feedback, and a serious push towards clean Ws

            Brawl Stars

            Attention, club members. With Mega Pig approaching next week, it's clear our previous performances have been... disappointing Therefore, mandatory Discord meetings will begin. Cameras ON (preferably), microphones ON, excuses OFF.
Every replay will be reviewed, every missed shot investigated, and every Edgar pick will require an explanation.
Power Point presentstion on how to draft are needed
This is not to shame anyone-it's simply to ensure this club finally remembers how to win. Good luck soldiers

            MY ANTI DEPRESSANTS JUST KICKED IN ! FANTASTIC !

              MY ANTI DEPRESSANTS JUST KICKED IN ! FANTASTIC ! __ _______ ______ ╱ /\__/\ // ╲╲ ______⊂╱ ( ´∇` ) // ⊃ ||╲ フ 🡖 ,´__▔▔▔▔╱ ▔╱▔ ⌒▔▔▔▔╱▔▔▔▔ 🡖▔ ▔▔▔▔▔🡖 ▔▔▔▔ | ,╱_ _╱ /-o—/ ___ ╱▔▔╱ ___/\ | ▔ | /\__| ,========————´=============/⌒ ╲=/=======||🡖 || | __ | GAY! | __ ” |⌒| |/ ___/| )╯ )|🞕|_∈≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡∋__|🞕|” __|| ╯ ╯__ -‒‒‒‒‒┘ ╯ ▔╲ ▔╲__╯▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔三三三▔╲ ╲__╯ ▔▔ 三三三三╯ 三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三 三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三三