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I am a Hegelian.

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    I am a Hegelian. I believe EVERY conflict is a DIALECTIC. I start arguments with myself so that HISTORY can ADVANCE. I have been BANNED from three PHILOSOPHY subs for attempting to SUBLATE the moderation team. I do NOT pay parking fines. The STATE fines ITSELF through me. I do not have a girlfriend. THE ABSOLUTE has alienated itself into a girlfriend shape and WILL return to itself at the appropriate HISTORICAL JUNCTURE. The fact I do NOT have a girlfriend is CONTINGENT on the fact that this fact of girlfriendlessness NECESSARILY contains its own negation. Therefore I do NOT not have a girlfriend. I do not HAVE a girlfriend and I am NOT girlfriendless therefore I am AUFGEHOBEN into a state of simultaneous BECOMING of girlfriendhavingness and girlfriendhavinglessness. Thus I exist as the SUBLATION of girlfriendhavingness and girlfriendhavinglessness. Thus I am DIALECTICALLY NOT AN INCEL. I do NOT CARE about the THING-IN-ITSELF. The DING-AN-SICH is a FANTASY of FINITE THINKING. Everything IS only insofar as it RELATES. Precisely insofar as it does not. I do NOT believe in TRANSCENDENCE. I do NOT believe in SENSE-CERTAINTY. I believe in the ABSOLUTE, and the ABSOLUTE believes itself through me. ONLY insofar as the Absolute and its negation NECESSITATE each other.

​I have NEVER been wrong. My wrongness is a NECESSARY MOMENT OF TRUTH. If I get presented with IRREFUTABLE FACTS I obfuscate and serve circular WORD SALAD. If I cannot reframe this irrefutable fact to my benefit within 3 minutes I REVISE MY FRAMEWORK so that this IRREFUTABLE FACT is further PROOF of its UNIVERSAL RIGHTNESS. I was NOT wrong, I was merely INTERRUPTED in my dialectic process. The dialectic was undergoing a critical step of ILLUSORY WRONGLOOKINGNESS before the next negation made itself IMMANENT. I have NEVER been right. My rightness is a NECESSARY MOMENT OF FALSEHOOD. I am the CONCRETE UNIVERSAL. I do not "read the news". I observe the SELF-REALISATION of WORLD SPIRIT and comprehend it RETROSPECTIVELY, which is the ONLY TRUE PREDICTION. I believe history ENDS every Thursday and RESTARTS on Friday at a HIGHER LEVEL of development. 

​I do NOT believe in soundness or falsifiability. I do NOT believe in right or wrong. I am a COG in a MACHINE of my OWN WILLING and YOU ARE TOO. If you DISAGREE with me you are objectively necessary to my system. If you AGREE with me you are objectively necessary to my system.

I HATE Kant and Kant hates HIMSELF through ME. Immanuel KANT set LIMITS on what REASON can KNOW and then spent his entire life in KALININSBERG and never LEFT. The TOWNSPEOPLE set their CLOCKS by his WALKS. A man who cannot NEGATE his own CITY cannot NEGATE the THING-IN-ITSELF. He merely PRESERVED it behind a WALL and called this CRITIQUE. I have LEFT many cities. I have NEGATED many cities. The DING-AN-SICH does NOT survive my COSMOPOLITANISM. Precisely insofar as it does.

​no ad hominem retorts please thank you.

    Selamat, my name is Encik Ken. I’m a 27 year old American Malayboo

      Its the “Gomenasai, my name is Ken-Sama.” copypasta but changed to a white guy (orang putih) larping as a Malay Malaysian.

      Selamat, my name is Encik Ken.

I'm a 27 year old American Malayboo (Malaysia fan for you orang putih). I spend my days defending Bumiputera laws preferencing Malays and the Yang
di-Pertuan Agong shared elective monarchy system on my tablet and reading about superior Malay states. (Penang, Malacca, Sabah, Sarawak etc.)

I train with my Keris every day, this superior weapon can cut clean through steel because it is folded over a thousand times, and is vastly superior to any other weapon on earth. I earned my dagger license two years ago, and I have been getting better every day.

I speak Malay fluently, both Johor-Riau and the Kelantan-Pattani dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Malaysian history and their pendekar warrior code, which I follow 100%.

When I get my Malaysian visa, I am moving to Kuala Lumpur to attend a prestigious High School to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become a silat master or design policies to counter Chinese Malaysian overrepresentation in the private sector and commerce!

I own several tanjaks, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to Malaysia, so I can fit in easier. I run amok among my elders and seniors and speak Malay as often as I can, but rarely does anyone manage to respond.

Wish me luck in Malaysia!

      Pois é, ngm assiste ou sequer jogou futebol. Acompanhando o sub me veio uma pergunta, seria eu o único que jogou futebol de forma organizada sem ser pelada com os amigos?

        The original version was from r/nfl by u/ididilaudid bragging about being so good at football that he feel disconnected in football discussions. Later the meme was translated into Portuguese and it became a staple Brazilian shitpost in soccer discussion. 

        Pois é, ngm assiste ou sequer jogou futebol. Acompanhando o sub me veio uma pergunta, seria eu o único que jogou futebol de forma organizada sem ser pelada com os amigos?

tipo metade dos comentários que vejo aqui são obviamente escrito por não atletas que chega ser cômico.

Quando eu jogava no sub 17 do Ypiranga (3 anos de titular)Eu corria mais rápido que qualquer um. Os técnicos do time me chamavam de Falcão dos pampas, apelido que ganhei devido ao meu talento e durante essas três temporadas fui o lateral mais temido do gauchão sub-17. No meu último ano chegamos as semi finais do estadual mas fomos fudidos pelos árbitros nos 43 do segundo tempo mas isso é outro assunto (me manda no privado se tiver interessado em saber mais)

Então sim, espero que vocês possam entender porque eu sinto uma grande desconexão com os redditors desse sub. Por favor me diga que eu não sou o único que se sente assim lol

        English

        While following the sub, a question came to me: am I the only one who has played soccer in an organized way other than casual games with friends?

like half of the comments I see here are obviously written by non-athletes, which is almost comical.

When I played for Ypiranga's under-17 team (3 years as a starter) I ran faster than anyone. The team's coaches called me the Falcon of the Pampas, a nickname I earned due to my talent and during those three seasons we were the most feared full-back in the under-17 Gaucho team. In my last year we reached the semi-finals of the state championship but were fucked by the referees in the 43rd minute of the second half, but that's another subject (send me a private message if you're interested in knowing more)

So yes, I hope you can understand why I feel such a disconnect with the redditors on this sub. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way lol

        Original

        Am I the only one in this sub who's actually played organized tackle football before?

Like half of the comments I've seen on this sub are so obviously written by non-athletes that it's almost humorous.

When I was in high school (3 year starter for our varsity football team) I would get a full-on sprint going and clock the shit outta whoever had the ball. My coaches called me "speedhawk" as a nickname caus I had such a nose for the football and for those three seasons I was considered the most feared safety in our conference. Senior year I led my team to the state semifinals only to get fucked over by the refs in the 4th but that's another conversation (DM me if you're interested in hearing about it)

So, yeah. I hope yall can understand why I feel like their's such a big disconnect between myself and your typical redditor. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way lol

        The fact that you took time out of your day to type that comment needs to be studied by scientists.

          The fact that you took time out of your day to type that comment needs to be studied by scientists. Somewhere in an alternate universe there's a version of you that opened the app, saw the video, thought "that's cool," and kept scrolling. Unfortunately, we got the timeline where you voluntarily announced your presence like a medieval town crier whose only purpose is to contribute absolutely nothing.

I imagine you sitting there after posting that comment, staring into the darkness of your room illuminated only by the sacred blue glow of your phone, waiting for somebody to acknowledge your existence. Not because the comment was funny. Not because it was clever. But because deep down you know that if the notification sound never comes, then for a brief moment you must confront the horrifying possibility that nobody cared.

Generations from now archaeologists will discover your comment fossilized in the digital ruins of this app and ask each other, "What ancient catastrophe caused this individual to believe this was worth posting?" Entire documentaries will be made. Experts will debate. Historians will argue. Yet no answer will ever be found.

The wildest part is that somewhere in your brain there was a process. Thoughts were generated. Decisions were made. Neurons fired. Electrical signals traveled at incredible speeds across a biological supercomputer evolved over millions of years just to arrive at THAT. That's like using a space shuttle to deliver a single grain of rice across the street.

I don't even dislike the comment. I'm fascinated by it. It has the same energy as finding a shopping cart in the middle of a forest. You're not angry. You're not confused. You're just left standing there wondering how events unfolded in such a specific sequence that reality allowed this to happen.

          把我的斗笠和八字胡气歪了，害我从梯田上滚了下来

            Its your average Chinese shitpost gibberish that is spammed in their social media.

            把我的斗笠和八字胡气歪了，害我从梯田上滚了下来，把邻家扎着丸子头穿着旗袍的妹妹的A+数学试卷、播放着铡美案的播音器和他碗里的狗肉撞掉了，但还好我会功夫，尽管眯着眼也没有砸到田里的老黄牛和竹林里的大熊猫，这时候我的师傅拿着我嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟响的手机找到我跟我说your phone linging，big boy come pick up your phone！我接起电话，原来是外卖员打电话给我，说我点的中餐到了，有大米，汤面，饺子还有左宗棠鸡。原来外卖员来到我家门口发现没门铃，于是敲了半天大鼓和铜锣，还是没人应才call的我，我跟他说先给我挂到我家门口那个兵马俑手上，路有点远得翻过八达岭长城，我马上开马拉的火车回去。Oh-oh-oh-oh...Oh-oh-oh-oh...Everybody is Kung fu fighting,Your mind becomes fast as lightning，Although the future is a little bit frightening，It's the book of your life that you're writing～

            Tungsten Arm O’Doyle copypasta

              From a Tweet by @matttomic that satirized the Los Angeles Angels’ tendency to lose games despite historically great performances from Mike Trout and Shohei Ohtani. Fun fact, the author revealed that he’s annoyed his viral Tweet has a typo when trying to save character space. He was switching between “homers” and “home runs” and somehow it became “homes runs”.

              every time I see an Angels highlight it's like "Mike Trout hit three homes runs and raised his average to .528 while Shohei Ohtani did something that hasn't been done since 'Tungsten Arm' O'Doyle of the 1921 Akron Groomsmen, as the Tigers defeated the Angels 8-3"