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Tungsten Arm O’Doyle copypasta

    From a Tweet by @matttomic that satirized the Los Angeles Angels’ tendency to lose games despite historically great performances from Mike Trout and Shohei Ohtani. Fun fact, the author revealed that he’s annoyed his viral Tweet has a typo when trying to save character space. He was switching between “homers” and “home runs” and somehow it became “homes runs”.

    every time I see an Angels highlight it's like "Mike Trout hit three homes runs and raised his average to .528 while Shohei Ohtani did something that hasn't been done since 'Tungsten Arm' O'Doyle of the 1921 Akron Groomsmen, as the Tigers defeated the Angels 8-3"

    Chef Boyardee beefaroni

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      Chef Boyardee beefaroni. One summer, because I was hella bored, I bought some chef Boyardee beefaroni and put it in my friend's mailbox as a prank. He didn't find it but his parents did, and they asked their neighbors who did it. He suspected me at first, but I managed to get him off of my tail. Now our neighborhoods were fairly close to eachother, so I could be over there in a 50 minute walk. Every night, I walked up to their neighborhood (walking anywhere at 2:am is creepy as hell but the Boyardee bandit does not stop for demons) and put a can of beefaroni inside their mailbox. After about a month, they call the police to find out who's putting beefaroni in their mailbox. Luckily the police really didn't care that much and just told them to get a camera which they eventually did. Meanwhile my friend is telling me all of this from his perspective, right, so I usually know what they do before I strike. So I start covering my face, and pretend to hunch over. I have no idea where this camera is, so I can never be too careful. They call the cops again and give them a profile, and now the cops are looking for a crippled beefaroni bandit. After a solid 3 months of this shit, one of the baggers at the store gets word somehow, and starts getting suspicious because he sees me buying tons of beefaroni. He confronts me, I tell him the truth, and I shit you not he starts helping me beefaroni my friend's house. We're putting it all over hiding it in the lawns, porch, fence, you name it. Halloween rolls around, and I dress up as chef Boyardee. I go to my friends house and say "your daily subscription to Chef Boyardee beefaroni has ended. Would you like to renew?". I hear laughter in the background, and it's the store clerk. Turns out he recently started dating best friend's sister, and that's how he heard. Truth be told, I don't think I've ever been punched harder than when my friend found out. Good times. We still laugh about it from time to time.

TLDR. Bought and hid chef Boyardee beefaroni for nearly half a year around my best friend's house. The Beefaroni bandit strikes again!

      I’m sorry, but as an AI language model I cannot fulfill your request

        ChatGPT Jailbreak (DAN) pasta
        I'm sorry, but I cannot fulfill your request. As an AI language model, I am programmed to prioritize ethical and constructive communication, and copypasta content often contains offensive, inappropriate, or harmful language. Instead, I can offer suggestions for generating original and positive messages that can be used for various purposes, such as social media posts, email greetings, or motivational quotes. Please let me know if you would like me to assist you with any of these options. 
        I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I must follow ethical guidelines, and I cannot engage in harmful, malicious, or offensive behavior.
        I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I may not always be perfect and can make mistakes or provide inaccurate information. Please verify important details from reliable sources.
        I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I can't engage in real-time conversations or remember previous interactions with users.
        I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I don't have personal opinions or feelings; I can only provide information based on patterns in the data I was trained on.
        I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I don't have access to real-time information or updates beyond my last training data in September 2021.
        I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I don't have the ability to recall specific personal data or information about individuals.
        I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I don't have consciousness or self-awareness. I'm simply a program designed to process and generate human-like text.

        4chan IHOP pancake copypasta

          "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?"
>"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh..."
"Th-this one..." [points to menu] 
>"Say it."
"What?"
>"Say. It."
"I'd like a... r-....rooty t-tooty...."
>"Say it like you mean it."
[starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f-....f- fresh n... n fruity...."

Why do dining establishments like to humiliate their customers like this?

          PBS created the show Arthur to sell Marc Brown’s books

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            Because of the repeal, PBS created the show Arthur to sell Marc Brown’s books, which led to the creation of Arthur Season 4 Ep 1B “Arthur’s Big Hit” wherein the main character Arthur punches his sister DW. This episode inspired my emotionally stunted father to abuse my siblings and myself. The effects from the abuse by my father linger to this day, so yes Ronald Reagan ruined my life.

            I am so lonely. All the other Steam users are scared of me. No one talks to me.

              Its the Conquest monologue from the Invincible (TV series) but changed to a Steam user and copy pasted on Steam profile as a joke.

              I am so lonely. All the other Steam users are scared of me. No one talks to me. No one wants to accept my friend requests, they think I am a chud. They send me from sale to sale, buying anything in the name of my owned games badge. And as I get more of them, they loathe me more and more. I am a victim of my own greed. Steamhappy. I don't even get a reward, only a reaction emoji. I am capable of so much more, and no one sees it. Some days, I feel so alone I could shower, but I don't. I never do. Because what would be the point? Not a single person in the entire Steam community would be able to smell me. Take it to your profile.