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I saw Elon Musk at a CVS at like 11:36pm on a Tuesday.

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    I saw Elon Musk at a CVS at like 11:36pm on a Tuesday. He was in the greeting card aisle for a very long time. Not reading the cards, just standing near them with his arms crossed like he was supervising. At one point he picked one up, read it, and put it back facing the wrong way. He did this to seventeen cards. A CVS employee asked if he needed help and he said "I'm good" in a way that ended the conversation permanently.

He got in line behind me with nothing in his hands. Just got in line. When he got to the register the cashier asked if he found everything okay and he said "that's a great question" and then didn't answer it. He tapped his card before she'd even told him the total. It worked.

As I was leaving, I saw him hold the door open for "me" even though I was way behind him. But let go as soon as I got close

    Prr mano, td lugar q eu entro nessa merda eu vejo essa pelúcia fdp.

      Prr mano, td lugar q eu entro nessa merda eu vejo essa pelúcia fdp. É só dar scroll no feed, abrir qq sub aleatório e lá tá ela: óculos redondos, franjinha torta, nariz vermelho brilhando, boquinha aberta mostrando dentinho de leite e aquele olhar de vadia pedindo pra levar rola kkk. Meu pau sobe na hora véi, a prr dura pra caralho pulsando dentro da cueca, pulsando mt forte. Já fiquei mt tempo dando zoom na carinha dela, apertando a foto na coxinha macia e imaginando cm seria meter nessa safada até gozar tudo nela. Me dá uma raiva da porra pq n dá pra fazer nada além de babar na tela e invejar p caralho quando a pessoa posta essa desgraça. Queria mandar na dm pedindo link pq eu preciso dessa puta mano. Alguém pfvr me manda o link da Shopee/Ali antes q eu pirar de vez kkkkk

      English version

      Damn dude, everywhere I go on this shit I see this fucking plushie. Just scroll through the feed, open any random subreddit and there she is: round glasses, crooked bangs, shiny red nose, open mouth showing her baby teeth and that slutty look begging for a cock lol. My dick gets hard instantly, man, my fucking hard-on throbbing inside my underwear, throbbing really hard. I've spent ages zooming in on her face, squeezing the picture of her soft thighs and imagining what it would be like to fuck this slut until I cum all over her. It makes me so fucking angry because there's nothing I can do but drool on the screen and be incredibly jealous when someone posts this thing. I wanted to DM her asking for the link because I need this bitch, man. Someone please send me the Shopee/Ali link before I completely lose it lol

      I’ll never forget the first (and only) time my dad said he was proud of me.

        By u/thr33beggars, its satirical story of a child making his racist dad proud using the ‘Despite making up only 13% of the population‘ copypasta.

        I’ll never forget the first (and only) time my dad said he was proud of me.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was five and he had taken me to run errands on his day off work. We were at the bank so he could do some adult stuff, not sure what exactly and it’s not really important. What’s important is that I was holding his hand when a black man walked in and got in line behind us.

I hadn’t really seen that many black people up close so I couldn’t help but stare. He glared at me, and then asked my dad if I had a staring problem. Even though I was five, I remember saying, “Hey mister, why do people who look like you only make up 13% of the population but commit 52% of the crime? They talked about it on Sesame Street but they never said why?” The man started flipping out and the bank manager asked us to leave. Right outside the bank door, my dad got down on one knee and said, “Son, I could spend all my life teaching you to be racist but it seems like you are already advanced for your age. I’m proud of you.”

My dad was later sent to prison for a variety of hate crimes but I still carry that memory fondly.

        What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate?

          What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate?

I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a pansy in front of your older brother's friends. It's suppose to be lemon flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything lemon in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You down a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted poop in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to God there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary,...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The poop/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your butthole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid poop fart as it gurgled out of your butt.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have pooped out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your butthole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times.

You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your butthole's broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a poop stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it. 😂😂😂

          Thats not how fucking dialectics works you stupid cuck

            Caesar explaining Hegel

            AKA Hegel copypasta from 2019 it originated from either 4chan or Reddit. In 2020 a Youtuber “Luke Correia” did a voice-over for Caesar in Fallout New Vegas having a crashout explaining Hegel dialectics with a shorten version of the copypasta. 

            Thats not how fucking dialectics works you stupid cuck. I didn't study Hegel (plus continental philosophy in general) at Harvard for 7 FUCKING YEARS for some LOW LIFE KNOW IT ALL who's CLEARLY never fucking read Hegel as he would KNOW that HEGEL has NEVER FUCKING EVER used the terms "thesis, antithesis, synthesis" to start perpetuating these LIES at VERY SINGLE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. this isn't Hegel my friend. No no no. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis was thought up by Fichte and it's clearly inferior to Hegels dialectical method of imminent critique. Yes. It's I_I called imminent critique. And dialectics is only ONE PART of Hegels full method. Which again is called Imminent critique which you would know if you had ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO READ HEGEL ITS LITERALLY IN THE SCIENCE OF LOGIC YOU DUMB FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. I honestly cannot believe the fucking arrogance to come onto this post, spouting that anti Hegel] garbage. Where did you get your fucking info on dialectics? Fucking Jason Unruhe? Jesus fucking Christ I cannot deal with this bullshit right now I'm sorry I'm leaving I'm fucking leaving
            Hey you fucking morons, you stupid fucking cretin, you know that's not how the dialectics works, right? I didn't read EVERY GOD DAMN HEGEL BOOK IN EXISTENCE TWICE for your Pseudo-Hegelian Fallout: New Vegas Art Hoe "OH IM SUCH A DIALECTICAL THINKER THESIS ANTITHESIS SYNTHESIS" bullshit right now. Stop trying to pass of Fichte as a dialectical thinker and equivalent of Hegel. Fichte was a little bitch and Schelling sucked Hegel's cock ACTIVELY at Tübigen. If you ACTUALLY READ MORE THAN STALIN you'd fucking know that the immanent critique of Hegel only makes the dialectics ONE PART of the construction of intuitive reasoning and consciousness. Holy fucking shit you're such a fucking pseud, you're actually fucking derranged. YOu think Hegel keeps the Reflective Understanding and Scholastic mentality of "HURRRRRR BEING IS THE OPPOSITE OF NON-BEING" in tact you fucking softbrain? I bet you think porn is dialectically making you "volcel" and perform better in the classroom you fucking pseud cumbrain. Fuck you. You fucking larper, fuck you and stop thinking that Hegel posits sensuous-certainty as a complete reality, and STOP THINKING BEING-IN-AND-FOR-ITSELF IS A FUCKING NOUMENAL NEEDED TO MAKE REASON "UNITED" MY GOD THIS IS OUT RAGEOUS. Thats not how fucking dialectics works you stupid cuck. I didn't study Hegel (plus continental philosophy in general) at Harvard for 7 FUCKING YEARS for some LOW LIFE KNOW IT ALL who's CLEARLY never fucking read Hegel as he would KNOW that HEGEL has NEVER FUCKING EVER used the terms "thesis, antithesis, synthesis" to start perpetuating these LIES at EVERY SINGLE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. this isn't Hegel my friend. No no no. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis was thought up by Ficht eand it's clearly inferior to Hegels dialectical method of imminent critique. Yes. It's called imminent critique. And dialectics is only ONE PART of Hegels full method. Which again is called Imminent critique which you would know if you had ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO READ HEGEL ITS LITERALLY IN THE SCIENCE OF LOGIC YOU DUMB FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. I honestly cannot believe the fucking arrogance to come onto this post. spouting that anti Hegel garbage. Where did you get your fucking info on dialectics? Fucking Jason Unruhe? Jesus fucking Christ I cannot deal with this bullshit right now i'm sorry I'm leaving I'm fucking leaving, you pathetic brainlet

            I’m sick of Vast Cold. I try to glaze Salt Sea, Vast Cold is stronger.

              By u/MengHaoOfTheDao, its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Vast Cold from the manhwa A Regressor’s Tale of Cultivation.

              I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Vast Cold. I try to glaze Salt Sea, Vast Cold is stronger. I try to glaze Light, Vast Cold is stronger. I try to glaze Netherworld, Vast Cold is stronger. I want to glaze Seo Eun Hyun, he's the second coming of Vast Cold. I want to glaze Obsidian, Yang Su Jin, they're both weaker than Vast Cold.

He grabs me by the throat. I glaze for him. I praise for him. I write him copypastas. He isn't satisfied. I gift consciousness methods to him. "I don't need this much consciousness" He tells me. "Give me more Heart intent." He grabs Kim Yeon and forces her to stop cultivating. "You just need to cultivate other methods. You can open the Audience Chamber with just your Heart. "

I can't cultivate the Heart, I don't have enough martial arts talent. He desecrates my Fate. It fails. "Guess this is the end." He opens his consciousness. He says "Love beam, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, overpowered power of Love. What a cruel world.